4.26.2007
Sailor Billy, Wie er in die Welt kam
Rabbi Lil's people were in great need, beset on all sides by belligerent club owners, sulphourous burning men, and enormous mobs of tiny lascivious clowns. One night, before she passed out drunk, Odessa Lil asked G_D for guidance. Upon waking in a puddle of someone else's vomit, she declared, "It is as if the universe lifted its hemline and I beheld the ankles of G_D!"
Odessa Lil had received a plan for salvation in a dream. The instructions were simple: create an entity to protect Rabbi Lil's people, frighten the harmful riff raff away, and maybe this entity could vacuum once in a while.
Odessa Lil immediately set to work. The creature was to be composed of the four fundamental elements: earth, wind, fire, and beer. Getting the earth, wind, and fire was easy because an ex had left one of their albums at her place a while back. But beer cost money and she didn't have any. Instead, she improvised with Sparks malt liquor energy drink.
On the 20th day of the Hebrew month of Adar in the year 5340, Odessa Lil conducted the clandestine ritual on the banks of the Moldau River. A clay figure was fashioned; it was ten feet tall and had basic human features. She scrapped it and started over, this time using mayo instead of Sparks.
Odessa Lil circled the inert figure seven times, saying certain mystical phrases and a few Polish jokes. Suddenly the clay sculpture glowed red with heat. "Holy shit!" exclaimed Lil.
G_D breathed into this fershlugginer golem's nostrils the breath of life and this pile of clay and mayo became a living soul. The golem opened his eyes immediately and stood up.
"Hi! I'm Sailor Billy!"
"Creepy." Odessa Lil said, then steadied herself. "I created you from clay and mayo. You are here for one purpose only -- to save our people from evil lame-os. You must only listen to my orders and do everything I ask you to do."
The golem nodded to show he understood. Then he stood up, stretched, and said, "I gotta go. I'll call you later."
Rabbi Lil's people were in great need, beset on all sides by belligerent club owners, sulphourous burning men, and enormous mobs of tiny lascivious clowns. One night, before she passed out drunk, Odessa Lil asked G_D for guidance. Upon waking in a puddle of someone else's vomit, she declared, "It is as if the universe lifted its hemline and I beheld the ankles of G_D!"
Odessa Lil had received a plan for salvation in a dream. The instructions were simple: create an entity to protect Rabbi Lil's people, frighten the harmful riff raff away, and maybe this entity could vacuum once in a while.
Odessa Lil immediately set to work. The creature was to be composed of the four fundamental elements: earth, wind, fire, and beer. Getting the earth, wind, and fire was easy because an ex had left one of their albums at her place a while back. But beer cost money and she didn't have any. Instead, she improvised with Sparks malt liquor energy drink.
On the 20th day of the Hebrew month of Adar in the year 5340, Odessa Lil conducted the clandestine ritual on the banks of the Moldau River. A clay figure was fashioned; it was ten feet tall and had basic human features. She scrapped it and started over, this time using mayo instead of Sparks.
Odessa Lil circled the inert figure seven times, saying certain mystical phrases and a few Polish jokes. Suddenly the clay sculpture glowed red with heat. "Holy shit!" exclaimed Lil.
G_D breathed into this fershlugginer golem's nostrils the breath of life and this pile of clay and mayo became a living soul. The golem opened his eyes immediately and stood up.
"Hi! I'm Sailor Billy!"
"Creepy." Odessa Lil said, then steadied herself. "I created you from clay and mayo. You are here for one purpose only -- to save our people from evil lame-os. You must only listen to my orders and do everything I ask you to do."
The golem nodded to show he understood. Then he stood up, stretched, and said, "I gotta go. I'll call you later."
4.13.2007
Basement Burlesque -- Episode with Rose Pistola
Yes, I've picked up the Basement Burlesque project again! This is the first of many clips to come...
the spit-fire Rose Pistola performs her death-defying dance of fire. It really wasn't our fault that Benders Bar burned down. Seriously.
Clip on YouTube
Yes, I've picked up the Basement Burlesque project again! This is the first of many clips to come...
the spit-fire Rose Pistola performs her death-defying dance of fire. It really wasn't our fault that Benders Bar burned down. Seriously.
Clip on YouTube
3.21.2007
Today is my fifth day of being SICK SICK SICK and third day of "working remotely" for work. Being home in the day time has led me to notice all sorts of interesting things. As a fer instance...I discovered that a pigeon has built a nest in the breezeway outside the window out of the worst urban detritus available. Seriously. Look at this picture. That's a plastic McDonald's coffee stirrer in there! And some sort of white wire!
My immediate reaction was that of utter and bottomless depression. But really, the bird 'aint doing anything we're not allready doing given our surroundings, right? I mean, I think my whole existence lately had been based on a plastic coffee stirrer.
Well, just because I'm hacking up a lung doesn't mean I won't be MCing that krazy krazy alcohol free show at SF State tomorrow. I'll be there with a flask of 'Tussin, damnit. It's all in honor of Bombshell Betty's Burlesquercise three year anniversary. Check her out if you are in need of a new sort of work out or lifestyle.
Also, tonight there is a show at the DNA that I WON'T be going to, but Brett's close and personal alter ego Cracker Jack Salteen will be.
This is what Brett looked like when he left the house earlier today.
Info on Bombshell Betty's show:
THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY
MARCH 22
7:30-9:30pm
F R E E
Happy Birthday, Burlesquercise!
This month marks the 3-Year Anniversary of the Burlesquercise dance classes! Come help us celebrate by watching all of your favorite Burlesquercise alumni perform their favorite dance numbers!
Featuring...
BOTTOMS UP! BURLESQUE: Bombshell Betty, Sweet Cheeks, Lily le Rouge, Mynx D'Meanor, Isis Starr, Coconuts and Miss Banana Peel
BOMBSHELL BETTY'S BURLESQUETEERS: Students perform fun and sexy group numbers taught in the classes as well as their own solo numbers. Seasoned pros rub elbows with brand new performers!
RAY HOEY, the North Bay's illusionist will astound you. You won't believe your eyes!
Hosted by ODESSA LIL, your mistress *thwack* of ceremonies
Plus PEEK*A*BOO BURLESQUE
Live musical accompaniment by:
THE HAUTE HOUSE BURLESQUE BAND
with vocals by Bombshell Betty, Lily le Rouge and Liz Salisbury
THURSDAY, MARCH 22
7:30-9:30pm
Admission is FREE!
All ages welcome!
JACK ADAMS HALL
TOP FLOOR, CESAR CHAVEZ STUDENT CENTER
(THE STUDENT CENTER)
SFSU CAMPUS
1650 HOLLOWAY AVE
SF CA 94132
DIRECTIONS: SFSU STUDENTCENTER
My immediate reaction was that of utter and bottomless depression. But really, the bird 'aint doing anything we're not allready doing given our surroundings, right? I mean, I think my whole existence lately had been based on a plastic coffee stirrer.
Well, just because I'm hacking up a lung doesn't mean I won't be MCing that krazy krazy alcohol free show at SF State tomorrow. I'll be there with a flask of 'Tussin, damnit. It's all in honor of Bombshell Betty's Burlesquercise three year anniversary. Check her out if you are in need of a new sort of work out or lifestyle.
Also, tonight there is a show at the DNA that I WON'T be going to, but Brett's close and personal alter ego Cracker Jack Salteen will be.
This is what Brett looked like when he left the house earlier today.
Info on Bombshell Betty's show:
THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY
MARCH 22
7:30-9:30pm
F R E E
Happy Birthday, Burlesquercise!
This month marks the 3-Year Anniversary of the Burlesquercise dance classes! Come help us celebrate by watching all of your favorite Burlesquercise alumni perform their favorite dance numbers!
Featuring...
BOTTOMS UP! BURLESQUE: Bombshell Betty, Sweet Cheeks, Lily le Rouge, Mynx D'Meanor, Isis Starr, Coconuts and Miss Banana Peel
BOMBSHELL BETTY'S BURLESQUETEERS: Students perform fun and sexy group numbers taught in the classes as well as their own solo numbers. Seasoned pros rub elbows with brand new performers!
RAY HOEY, the North Bay's illusionist will astound you. You won't believe your eyes!
Hosted by ODESSA LIL, your mistress *thwack* of ceremonies
Plus PEEK*A*BOO BURLESQUE
Live musical accompaniment by:
THE HAUTE HOUSE BURLESQUE BAND
with vocals by Bombshell Betty, Lily le Rouge and Liz Salisbury
THURSDAY, MARCH 22
7:30-9:30pm
Admission is FREE!
All ages welcome!
JACK ADAMS HALL
TOP FLOOR, CESAR CHAVEZ STUDENT CENTER
(THE STUDENT CENTER)
SFSU CAMPUS
1650 HOLLOWAY AVE
SF CA 94132
DIRECTIONS: SFSU STUDENTCENTER
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