A 19-year-old with guns in a mall is tragedy...
Four chicks with assorted weapons is...distracting.
For your viewing pleasure, a rough of the trailer for Hell's Kittens:

UPTOWN HUBBA HUBBA
welcomes the return of
SPEAKEASILY!

JUST FIVE BUCKS, 21&Up w/I.D.
Doors 8PM, Show 9PM

The Uptown Club
1928 Telegraph Avenue, Oakland
(Just 1 block from 19th Street BART!)

A SpeakEasily reunion? Why the hell not? It’s been almost exactly three long years since SpeakEasily performed in Oakland on the war-torn stage of Eli’s Mile High Club. Where have we been? Where have YOU been?! And why haven’t you returned my calls?

Thanks to Kingfish, Eddie, and the Hubba Hubba Review at the Uptown, the SpeakEasily gang is getting back together!! Sailor Billy?? Yes, sir! Rose Pistola?? Of course! Cracker Jack Salteen?? Why not? The Indra?? Hells YEAH! Odessa Lil?? Well, couldn't get rid of her. OH and we have some favorites you never knew before!

Just getta loada this line-up:

Grand Guignol shockers THE THRILLPEDDLERS perform MEL GORDON's GOOGLE:
FETISH

Singing and Dancing Sin-sation THE INDRA

Mischievous minx ROSE PISTOLA

Comic infiltrator HARMON LEON

Post-Crooner CRAKER JACK SALTEEN

Gothic Burlesque Princess LILY LeROUGE

Keeping their clothes on, musical heavies McPUZO & TROTSKY

Teaching us some manners, MISTRESS KARA & MISS ERIC

Swingin' seaman SAILOR BILLY

and THE MISTRESS OF CEREMONIES: ODESSA LIL – available for weddings,
Bar Mitzvahs, funerals, divorce proceedings, difficult labors,
séances, and SpeakEasilys.

REMEMBER: It’s an early show! The clothes start flying at 9pm!

MONDAY is the new Tuesday.

~Odessa Lil~

Other important informational stuff:
The Uptown Club: http://www.uptownnightclub.com/ (right near BART)
SpeakEasily’s website: http://www.audrawolfmann.net/SpeakEasily.html
Hubba Hubba (who usually live at the Uptown on Monday nights): http://www.myspace.com/hubbahubbarevue

SPEAKEASILY REUNION!

That's right, folks!

photos of the good ol days

Thanks to Kingfish, Eddie, and the Hubba Hubba Review at the Uptown, the SpeakEasily gang is getting back together!!
Sailor Billy?? Yes, sir! Rose Pistola?? Of course! Cracker Jack Salteen?? Why not? Bombshell Betty?? Hot hot hot! The Indra?? Hells YEAH! Odessa Lil?? Well, couldn't get rid of her.
OH and some favorites you never knew before!
More info to be announced soonsville!

MONDAY, DECEMBER 10!!
UPTOWN HUBBA HUBBA welcomes the return of

SPEAKEASILY!

JUST FIVE BUCKS, 21&Up w/I.D.
Doors 8PM, Show 9PM

The Uptown Club
1928 Telegraph Avenue, Oakland
(Just 1 block from 19th Street BART!)

I am dictating this blog through a Ouji board from the beyond, for I have finally disappeared into the realm of the unknown. Yes, it’s true…I have hardly used the interweb as a source of social interaction for close to two months. And you know what? I died from lack of exposure.

Here’s what’s been going on while I’ve been dead:

Herschell Gordon Lewis came to Amoeba for an appearance and signing on November 3rd. The “Godfather of Gore” and mentor of marketing has been a hero of mine since I was 14 and Jason Chavez made me watch Blood Feast, which is now considered by many to be the world's first splatter flick. At that age I was most impressed with the fearless low-budgetness of it all. One spends their whole life trying to be perfect for everyone, and then you see something like that and think, "Aha! The alternative to perfection is breathtaking!" Plus, I just love seeing guts being fondled.
We got the Poontang Wranglers and Brett to accompany H.G. on the “Theme from Two Thousand Maniacs” and then he autographed stuff and took Polaroids with his adorning fans. Afterwards, an interview was taped (coming soon to Amoeba.com). Russ Blackwood of the grand guignol theater group Thrillpeddlers (more on that in a few paragraphs) was the natural choice to conduct the interview.
H.G. was the most well-spoken and charming man…especially considering that he’s responsible for the first images of gore to ever appear on film, and therefore responsible for everything from Texas Chainsaw Massacre to SAW. Talking with him about his films and the superior importance of marketing over the actual content of films was enlightening…words from above to these schlock-obsessed ears.
Thank you, H.G.! You are an amazing man!

Here are some guts I made in honor of H.G.:


H.G. Practicing with the Poontang Wranglers and Brett:


More on Flickr.


More on Amoeba.com.


SOOoooo, may I point out that this is the 7th and last week of my run with the Thrillpeddlers’ Maker of Monsters show! Yep, just three shows left: Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. If you want more show for your buck, I recommend that you go Saturday night as we will be adding in a variety show at the end. We did this for Halloween too and it was a ton of fun. The Indra does a wheelchair number that will leave you feeling… titillated and conflicted! I do my Werewolf Mama act too.
Here’s what V. Vale of RE Search books wrote in his blog after seeing our Halloween show:
“The short live theatrical pieces began with “Werewolf Mama” featuring a female werewolf, one Audra Wolfmann. Just great classic burlesque, about four feet away. Amazing wolf eyes, wolf teeth, wolf fur on all the “right” places and flawlessly choreographed moves to a song the Cramps taught us.”
Read more of his review here:
http://www.researchpubs.com/Blog/?p=35
Working with the Trillpeddlers has been a blast and quite a learning experience. Being directed by Mel Gordon in the nuances of perversions for the Google: Fetish piece was invaluable training. For a few reasons.

Whatelse is going on? Well, I’ve done a few more shoots with Jose Montesinos on the upcoming Hells Kittens film project. I now know lots of knife tricks! Sneak preview trailer/short coming soon! AND the Mexican Wrestling project with Chris and Brett is also gaining steam…and masks. These things take time, people.



So it’s almost New Years, which is really troubling me because I haven’t gotten used to writing “2007” on my checks yet. Oy. Well, we’re all going down to LA for New Years as The Flakes are playing Bordello again for the Satisfaction Club! Come on! Go with us! What the hell else are you going to do?

Here’s some pictures from the last time The Flakes played the Bordello.


Thank you, goodnight.
~a~

A few reasons to go on living (part 1):

1. Jello Biafra is in our play this weekend!! Check it out! Get a SHOCK BOX!
Then 10/30th and 10/31st see Jill Tracey perform with us!
Read about it in the SF Weekly:
http://entertainment.sfweekly.com/search/events.php?oid=756511

2. 10/25



2. 3. 11/3





Reflections to follow...

This is what happens when Brett goes out without me...



Photo by Melanie...Beer bong by The Boars.

Hotwire My Heart

Check out this footage of the Crime in-store at Amoeba!
Note how dashing Brett looks in a cape!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLpc83_g1rs
Originally posted by Limpty, whoever (s)he may be.

Where I'll be all of October and most of November!



Shocktoberfest!! 2007: Maker of Monsters
October 4 - November 17, 2007
Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays at 8:00 PM
Pay-What-You-Can Previews October 4 - 6)
Tickets: $20 general admission; $69 for “Shock Box” seats (admits two).
Click Here to Buy Tickets Online or call 1-800-838-3006

At THE HYPNODROME
575 10th St. (between Bryant and Division)
San Francisco, California

SEE US AT TEASE-O-RAMA Friday, Oct. 5th!

Thrillpeddlers have been performing a unique brand of horror and fetish theatre in San Francisco since the early 90s . At home in The Hypnodrome, Thrillpeddlers' SOMA performance venue, the group is continuously engaged in translating, adapting, and producing classic plays from the infamous repertoire of Le Theatre du Grand Guignol. In addition, Thrillpeddlers perform original scripts and modern works by contemporary masters of the genre. Shocktoberfest!!, Thrillpeddlers' annual pageant of terror and titillation (now in it's 8th year) has become a San Francisco Halloween tradition.

Tease-O-Rama debuts Thrillpeddlers' all-new cyber-kink variety act, Google:Fetish, curtain raiser for Shocktoberfest!! 2007: Maker of Monsters (playing The Hypnodrome October 4 - November 17). Showcasing proclivities for forced feminization, ball-busting, fart fetishism and toilet stall vice bust fantasies, just to name a few. Google:Fetish "outs" erotic compulsion to the limit and reveals the daily total of web hits for each featured fetish, leaving audiences dumbfounded and delighted.

What, Me Interviewed?

I know, who cares? But it's funny!

By Miss Ess on the Amoeblog!

Thanks so much for everyone who came out the the Haute House Burlesque Holiday Mashup show!! It was a drinky good time!Thanks Bombshell Betty!
Brett got a couple of clips of the wit and wizdumb of Odessa Lil...

The problem with being Jewish:


Small talk:


drunk chicks rule...
o.l.

Read my interview with Johnny Strike and Hank Rank of the legendary early S.F. punk band Crime!

San Francisco Is Still Doomed (Still)

See them live at Amoeba SF!!
Friday September 21st 7pm - San Francisco
1855 Haight Street
415.831.1200

...peek...
Jose just posted some great new photos up on the Hell's Kittens MySpace page. If you're not a Hell's Kittens friend...we'll crush yer nutz. Unless you're into that sort of thing (why does the term "ball busting" keep coming up?!!)...then we just won't. On principle.

Here's a sneak of the sneak:

Skubica and Dynama and another bitch


My brother and I don't get along so well


I can has knives


On Sly's HOG

The Summer of Love vs. the Love of Schlock
Bay Area garage rock legend Russell Quan teaches us how to stop worrying and love The Chipmunks

My First AmoeBlog! I wonder if they'll ever let me do another one?
;)

It's good to be excited about work...and this makes it pretty easy:

As some of you may have heard, CRIME (notorious early SF punk legends) are putting out a new album! But that's not all...they're unveiling it at an Amoeba in-store September 21st. AND (there's always more with me)...frontman Johnny Strike's new book is also being unveiled (and signed if you want, of course) there too. It's good, dark stuff...I'm reading it now.

I just wrote this bio/press release today.

You may note a couple of familiar dudes in the new line-up. Teehee.

Upcoming Show:
The Holiday Mash Up: A Haute House Burlesque Revue

As if I wasn't already confused enough between Chrismukkah and All Hallows Lent, now there's the...HOLIDAY MASH UP!
I'm MCing this festive fusion foray, so bake me some Yak enchiladas and tell the Maccabees what you want for xmass. We's going to to Mash Up town!

Thursday, Sept. 13
Holiday Mash Up BURLESUQE Show
Annie's Social Club
917 Folsom St. @ 5th. St. San Francisco

Doors at 8pm. Burlesque sets on the hour, starting at 9pm. Dancing in between burlesque sets, so bring your dancing shoes!

$8 in advance, $12 at the door/21+
http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/19158


Bombshell Betty Dance and Alcoholocaust present...

The Holiday Mash Up:
A Haute House Burlesque Revue

Oh no! Father Time is on vacation, and all the holidays have gotten mixed up! The Easter Bunny got run over by a reindeer, Cupid is trick-or-treating and the Leprecauns are out launching fireworks! It's madness! It's mayhem! Dress up like your favorite holiday(s), and join us for a wacky night that's a dance party and a show! Our spectacular lineup includes:

Bottoms Up! Burlesque:
Bombshell Betty
Lily LeRouge
Coconuts

SF Boylesque
Miss Fountain - fresh from the UK!

Trixie Treat with Matt Walker
Josie Starre
Holly Highbeams

Plus Burlesquercise group numbers and solos performed by some of San Francisco's newest burlesque dancers, Bombshell Betty's Burlesqueteers!

Hosted by Odessa Lil (Speakeasily)

DJ Jumpin' Jeff will get your toes tapping!

Performer info:
http://www.bombshellbetty.net
http://www.lilylerouge.com
http://www.sfboylesque.com
http://www.myspace.com/missfountain
http://www.audrawolfmann.net/SpeakEasily

I think the right way for a fragile-egoed woman to deal with getting older is to absolutely overbook herself and never stop moving from one ridiculous situation to the next...like a great white shark, forever swimming in the murky waters of...ah, who am I kidding? 31 happened and it wasn't so bad. Plus, Brett says I don't look a day over 30, so I've got that going for me.

Here's August's hijinx:

The Flakes landed a gig in Los Angeles with Club Satisfaction at a bella epoch brothel-themed bar called Bordello. I was ready to move right in. Just put my Mickey Katz record collection by the bar and my bed near the stage; I'm staying. Just look at the place!
Here's a picture from the Satisfaction archive of us sitting in the "VIP" booth, which is usually done up like a bed:



The story that was going around that night was that the bed had to be removed because Keanu Reeves was in that "bed" the night before and had somehow left butt smells on it. Is this what it means to hang out in LA? To sit where Keanu Reeves' butt smells were just mere hours before our arrival? Enchanting, no?
That trip was the first of the birthday celebrations that would ensue for August. We had a blast...Brett and I dragged Yoko and Sailor Billy all over that grand town: Canter's, The Hollywood Forever Cemetery, a hotel where porno is supposedly filmed...all the hot spots! Oh and we had a "tragic celebrity" sighting too. At the booth closest to the bathrooms at Canter's sat Rodney Bingenheimer with his female friend from "The Mayor of Sunset Strip." Really.



Oh and here's the happy traveling party at Andersen's Pea Soup:




On the actual day of my birthday, I ended up in an emergency room with a kidney problem! What an effective way to avoid those birthday time slumps! But once saddled up with some antibiotics and pain killers, it was back to work with me and then on to the San Mateo Fair for some Lucha Libre action with Johnny and Jaime! Parka! Parka!




The weekend following, my sister (the twin, only 8 years early) and her friend Jose came up for some belated celebrating and some genuine French Absinthe from the good people at Pernod. Thank you so much David for hand-carrying this illegal substance back to the good old U.S. of A. It was good stuff!
Here was our quasi-traditional set up:



That same night happened to be Peaches Christ's Midnight Mass screening of COFFY, so we all headed over there. Shifty Gears got to be in the pre-show this time, which was a Hooker Pride Parade. Shifty met many nice friends at the screening, including Hot Carlita:


If you're not disturbed enough, watch these:



and



So, it's time for August to fade away before I do. In September...I plan to sleep and practice good kidney health.
OH, and be in a Bombshell Betty burlesque show too! More info on that later.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz,
me

In case you're wondering, getting to work at 11am every day and then meeting famous people is actually working out better then the whole banking thing ever did. It's only been two weeks, but I feel justified in saying that so far...I heart my new job. Everyone go to Amoeba and give them all your money.

Here's what's been happening:

TURA SATANA
So, last Saturday Jose, Brett, and I all went down to Amoeba to meet Tura Satana! She's as amazing as always and even gave a few fans some karate chops for old time's sake. Jose gave her a poster for his upcoming movie Hells Kittens (which I'll be acting in as the lethargic and pharm-adicted stripper Dynama Downer) and Tura not only kept the poster but (rumor has it) pulled it out later that night at an opening party for Midnight Mass and was showing it to others! What a lady!! Did I mention she made Brett sit on her lap?? That was awesome.

Amoeba's pix: (looks for me and Brett and also http://www.myspace.com/blastoffgirl

My Flickr photos:


My blog post from when I saw her at Midnight Mass in '05.

The next day I worked the Dr. Dog instore. They were nice guys and showed up with The Teeth. They had a total of 15 people in their traveling party. Needless to say, much beer was consumed.

PHOTO SHOOT with HONEY COBRA
Because this is the true meaning of life to all parties involved.
Lots of sets to come. Here's just one:
The Struggle

Yes, I know my stomach looks like a sharpei.


SOON:

This saturday is Midnight Mass Sing Along Xanadu! I can't wait for the pre-show: Drag Queen Rollerderby

Satisfaction in LA...with The Flakes!
Yep, we're going back to LA for the weekend of August 3th. I've never been to Satisfaction before, but it looks pretty happening in an overblown LA mod sort of way. Yeehaw!

From the Look at Yourself Looking at Yourself Department

(For city people only.)

Streetview! Yikes!

Google...I'm flipping you off as hard as I can.

UPDATE: BoingBoing posted a story of a woman who found her cat in her window while looking up her apartment.
I couldn't resist:

After careful consideration of the whole lolcat meme cheezburger phenom, I've decided that Maggie does not employ such pidgin grammar. The following are actual thoughts transmitted by my cat directly to Photoshop:

Odessa Lil and Sailor Billy in SAND

The only time D&D will ever intersect with sex.
With apologies to Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19MKkBnB5HA

The inevitable follow-up:

Cinco de Mayo Massacre



Yeah, that's too small, so click on the link above.

What a weekend.

Sailor Billy, Wie er in die Welt kam




Rabbi Lil's people were in great need, beset on all sides by belligerent club owners, sulphourous burning men, and enormous mobs of tiny lascivious clowns. One night, before she passed out drunk, Odessa Lil asked G_D for guidance. Upon waking in a puddle of someone else's vomit, she declared, "It is as if the universe lifted its hemline and I beheld the ankles of G_D!"

Odessa Lil had received a plan for salvation in a dream. The instructions were simple: create an entity to protect Rabbi Lil's people, frighten the harmful riff raff away, and maybe this entity could vacuum once in a while.

Odessa Lil immediately set to work. The creature was to be composed of the four fundamental elements: earth, wind, fire, and beer. Getting the earth, wind, and fire was easy because an ex had left one of their albums at her place a while back. But beer cost money and she didn't have any. Instead, she improvised with Sparks malt liquor energy drink.

On the 20th day of the Hebrew month of Adar in the year 5340, Odessa Lil conducted the clandestine ritual on the banks of the Moldau River. A clay figure was fashioned; it was ten feet tall and had basic human features. She scrapped it and started over, this time using mayo instead of Sparks.

Odessa Lil circled the inert figure seven times, saying certain mystical phrases and a few Polish jokes. Suddenly the clay sculpture glowed red with heat. "Holy shit!" exclaimed Lil.
G_D breathed into this fershlugginer golem's nostrils the breath of life and this pile of clay and mayo became a living soul. The golem opened his eyes immediately and stood up.

"Hi! I'm Sailor Billy!"

"Creepy." Odessa Lil said, then steadied herself. "I created you from clay and mayo. You are here for one purpose only -- to save our people from evil lame-os. You must only listen to my orders and do everything I ask you to do."

The golem nodded to show he understood. Then he stood up, stretched, and said, "I gotta go. I'll call you later."

Happy Birthday, Jose:
Click for more pictures...


...featuring Brett's hair!

Basement Burlesque -- Episode with Rose Pistola

Yes, I've picked up the Basement Burlesque project again! This is the first of many clips to come...
the spit-fire Rose Pistola performs her death-defying dance of fire. It really wasn't our fault that Benders Bar burned down. Seriously.



Clip on YouTube

Today is my fifth day of being SICK SICK SICK and third day of "working remotely" for work. Being home in the day time has led me to notice all sorts of interesting things. As a fer instance...I discovered that a pigeon has built a nest in the breezeway outside the window out of the worst urban detritus available. Seriously. Look at this picture. That's a plastic McDonald's coffee stirrer in there! And some sort of white wire!



My immediate reaction was that of utter and bottomless depression. But really, the bird 'aint doing anything we're not allready doing given our surroundings, right? I mean, I think my whole existence lately had been based on a plastic coffee stirrer.

Well, just because I'm hacking up a lung doesn't mean I won't be MCing that krazy krazy alcohol free show at SF State tomorrow. I'll be there with a flask of 'Tussin, damnit. It's all in honor of Bombshell Betty's Burlesquercise three year anniversary. Check her out if you are in need of a new sort of work out or lifestyle.

Also, tonight there is a show at the DNA that I WON'T be going to, but Brett's close and personal alter ego Cracker Jack Salteen will be.
This is what Brett looked like when he left the house earlier today.


Info on Bombshell Betty's show:
THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY
MARCH 22
7:30-9:30pm
F R E E

Happy Birthday, Burlesquercise!

This month marks the 3-Year Anniversary of the Burlesquercise dance classes! Come help us celebrate by watching all of your favorite Burlesquercise alumni perform their favorite dance numbers!

Featuring...

BOTTOMS UP! BURLESQUE: Bombshell Betty, Sweet Cheeks, Lily le Rouge, Mynx D'Meanor, Isis Starr, Coconuts and Miss Banana Peel

BOMBSHELL BETTY'S BURLESQUETEERS: Students perform fun and sexy group numbers taught in the classes as well as their own solo numbers. Seasoned pros rub elbows with brand new performers!

RAY HOEY, the North Bay's illusionist will astound you. You won't believe your eyes!

Hosted by ODESSA LIL, your mistress *thwack* of ceremonies

Plus PEEK*A*BOO BURLESQUE

Live musical accompaniment by:
THE HAUTE HOUSE BURLESQUE BAND
with vocals by Bombshell Betty, Lily le Rouge and Liz Salisbury

THURSDAY, MARCH 22
7:30-9:30pm

Admission is FREE!
All ages welcome!

JACK ADAMS HALL
TOP FLOOR, CESAR CHAVEZ STUDENT CENTER
(THE STUDENT CENTER)
SFSU CAMPUS
1650 HOLLOWAY AVE
SF CA 94132

DIRECTIONS: SFSU STUDENTCENTER

For anyone who reads Make Magazine or likes historic recreations of junks or likes junk that I write, my article "History Junkies" about the Grace Quan is in this month's Make Magazine, on newstands 2/27.

A few notes about the Grace Quan:
1. No relation to Russell Quan, that we know of.
2. It's majestic...like a dragon or an Owlbear.
3. I owe Hudson a million thanks.



Hudson:

Little Minsky's
is this Thursday!
with Mistress of Ceremonies ODESSA LIL
and...
BURLESQUE
Delilah (www.myspace.com/d_lilah)
Isis Starr
Ariyana La Fay (www.masquerade.net/lafey.html)
Mai Tai
The Indra (www.theindra.com)
VARIETY
LiberTango - Tango Dance Troupe (www.worldartswest.org/main/edf_performer.asp?i=49)
The Dimestore Dandy - Rag Time Ditties (www.myspace.com/thefriskyfrolics)
Kielbasia - Accordion Lunch Lady Cabaret Star (www.kielbasia.com)

Thursday, FEBRUARY 8th
9:00pm - 2:00am, Show at 10:00pm
Club Deluxe, 1511 Haight at Ashbury, San Francisco
$5, 21 and up.

Retro Dance Tunes by Scott Louis
Little Minsky's is brought to you by The Flying Fox and Douglas Good (Cabaret Verdalet).

I made a documentary to commemorate the tamest New Years Eve I've had in a decade:

THIS WEEKEND:






See you there...