Everyday of this Weekend, we got you covered!

Friday is New Years at The Mile High Club! It’s free and it’s a party so come on down around 10pm!

Saturday at Bottom of the Hill: it’s The Flakes and The 5,6,7,8’s! Also with The Bobbyteens and The Fevers!

Sunday, good ol’ Chris France (known to most of you as Sailor Billy) is shooting the last scene needed for his film. AND he needs extras to be at The Mile High Club @ 1pm. You can email him for more details at notsotemporaryinsanity@hotmail.com.


It’s that no-man’s-land time of the year.
The week between Xmas and New Years seems to belong to neither this year nor the next. It’s this odd limbo state where people float by your desk and say “Happy Holidays,” but then you go outside and already see abandoned Christmas trees in the gutter. (BTW, how come nobody ever sets those on fire? I can’t be the only one who thinks about that…little bonfires every three houses…Nice!)

There’s a lot to look forward to in January (the Tahoe hot-tub getaway with the East Bay gang) and some stuff I’m not looking too forward to (surgical procedure…bleeach!) and lots of plans and ideas for upcoming events and shows.

But for now, it’s time to get all introspective and shit…Does anyone really deserve cancer? Do my super-human powers have limits? Why is it that no matter what I manage to accomplish, I can’t seem to get over the rejections that people have dealt me? Is that related to a vitamin deficiency? Do I need more or less Prozac? Why does my coat smell like wet dog?

It’s also time to reflect on the words of others:


“We have same DNA!” – Aunt Lucy

“Those laugh lines made me think you were older” – Guy in bar

“L.A. is full of Jews.” – Zeus, in conversation at our 10 year reunion.

“This is so cool…it’s the Scott Peterson/Amber Frey tour of Fresno!” - Brett, whilst in Fresno for my 10 year reunion.

“It’s not like anyone reads it.” -- Someone at work about the newsletter I produce for the department.

“…who runs SpeakEasily with the sass and self-deprecation of Carol Burnett in a blond wig.” –
The Chronicle about Odessa Lil.

“I want a press conference.” – Sailor Billy

“Sobriety is like ketchup…it goes so well with everything.” - Clive

AND it’s time for me to give YOU this nice collection of fun LINKS (yep, it’s been a while since I did that) to enjoy…and no, you can not return them for a refund.

Although I’m a huge Mad Magazine fan, Don Martin’s drawing have always freaked me out. It’s the floppy shoe, I think. But this
Don Martin Onomonopiac Dictionary is pretty rad!

One of my favorite people to look at online, Bianca Abel, has added a new galary to her website of herself in Josephine Baker-face! These pictures are quite outstanding.

Dig this groovy collection of
1960’s trouser ads.

This blogger writes about stuff he eats that no one should eat…like Urkel-O's cereal and Beggin' Strips dog food.

In the WHAT THE HELL department…
Here’s an email I got today:
From: "Prosiest Q. Terrarium"
To: "Audra"
Subject: defaming
Date: Wed, 29 Dec 2004 17:32:41 -0500

Anyone care to elaborate?


O Silent Night, O Deadly Night
In this hollandaise seasoning, allow me to thank HE who collects art in heaven for the invention of the B MOVIE! Yes, December 28th is the official release date of Evil Eyes, a movie I managed to mooch a bit role in as Udo Kier’s secretary! I mean EVIL secretary!
I saw the DVD for the first time last night (thanks to Eric Caselton and Jose). Mark Atkins did a great job with the cinematography, but unfortunately he did not edit the film. There were some odd choices made in the editing, but all in all it is a fun, gross, good time. Adam Baldwin and Udo Kier make the movie worth watching despite the chock-full-o-holes plot (editing again?). AND I’m really proud of Eric who totally holds his own as an actor alongside B Giants Kier and Baldwin. Eric’s got a good future in schlock.
And me? Underneath all that quasi-goth make-up is a real face…I think. There’s more of me in the blooper reel (DVD extras) than in the film proper, but I think I make a believable secretary of Satan.
WHOA! Evil Eyes is available on Netflix too!


SpeakEasily in the news:
WOW! We're in the Style section of today's Chronicle! If you can't run out and get a paper right now, read it online here! There's some great pictures of our regular gang of performers and regulars as well. NICE!


Lofty Ambitions in Fresno! Hey, I went to high school with Reza! I guess Fresno is going the way of the loft. Why not?


Can't figure out what to do on New Years? Why chose? Let me chose for you:
Don't be BORED on New Years. Let's play some BOARD games, dance, and drink a bunch at The Mile High December 31st - January 1st. That club deserves a party, seeing as how it is the last official night and all.
And it's FREE. And it starts at 10pm. And it's just a party! There probably won't be any NUDE WOMEN. Scrabble may take the place of DEATH DEFYING ACTS. Cool DJs will be spinning all our schizoid favorites instead of some LIVE BAND. I know our own Lisa Nola will be DJing as well as good 'ol Brett (of The Flakes fame) and a few other people of fine taste too...but I can't remember who. THAT's how relaxed this event is! I WILL NOT be Mistress of Ceremony-ing, but I will be bringing the board games. MAD MAGAZINE GAME anyone? OH YES! Please bring your own games to add to the fun too.

Directions here:

Here's what Lisa says:
New Years Eve Party @ The Mile High Club
* Nothing Fancy but Your Clothes
* We're Free
You + DJs + Dancing + Spirits + Good Times
10pm and right into 2005

We are uncertain where the mile high will be in 2005
but we will be open here and there. We do, however,
want to celebrate these past 6 months with friends all
around...so please join us if you can.


What it's all about:
Pat McCarthy captured many of the finest moments from last SpeakEasily- a virtual play by play of shtick, T&A, and the beautiful fezed people. This is what it's all about, people.

and in other news...
The Chanukah vs Hanukah debate lives on:
Both my sister and Jim sent this to me today: Hanukah-Heyya. You've probably seen it a million times too, but why not again since we're nearing the end of this year's festival of lights?

Friday I was part of another Fierce Couture fashion show. This one was part of The Rickshaw Stop's Club ID and involved The Peels and Sean Allen Fenn in some way. After hours of make-up and having my hair ratted to un-g_dly rat-tastic heights , my part was easy...hang out with various fetish models back stage (including the fascinatingly hyper KumiMonster), put on some awesome space clothes, and then try to model through a crowd of drunken 80's kids. As soon as that part was over and the latex was peeled off, I had to jump in a cab and go over to the Parkside to see Cracker Jack Salteen, Phantom Surfers, and The Bippies!
I missed Salty, but I did walk in just in time to see The Bippies setting up. (I hear Jack killed, though.) My hair was still huge and Brett didn't recognize me, even though I was wearing a shirt he gave me. Later when he figured out it was me, he said that I should keep my hair like that. While they were playing and Russell was hitting his head with a tambourine, a fellow at the bar (who was a little sloshed) tried to guess my age:
"I'm a lawyer and so I'm real good at reading people. I can tell you everything about you."
"Uhm, uh-huh."
"Like you're probably about 34, right?"
"Uhm, no."
"Uhm, younger."
"I'm 28!"
"Oh? Those laugh lines made me think older."
That's a good one, boys. Don't forget that while trying to score a few points next time out at the bar.
Saturday was The Flakes show at The Mile High. It's really going to be a shame to see that place go! But each time we go, we're all creating great memories...like the one moment during The Flakes show that everyone went ape-shit. Brett says it happens at everyone of their shows and he's probably right. All at once everyone lost their minds: beer can tap shoes, broken ornaments, weird fans going right up to the stage and making faces at the band...it was a good way to end the night.


But wait, there's more:
Lisa's photos from the So-Long Oakland Fez Fiesta at SpeakEasily!
These really say it all!

ALSO, Friday night I'll be doing another fashion show for Fierce Couture at the Rickshaw Stop. Here's the info.
BUT, meanwhile it's HIROSHIMANIA! at Thee Parkside: The Bippies, Phantom Surfers, Adam Carlson Band, and our own Cracker Jack Salteen, all in honor of Hiroshi of The Poontang Wranglers! I'm going to try to catch the last 30 seconds of it all if I'm lucky.
AND, one can see Salteen's nice twin brother play with The Flakes at The Mile High on Saturday.
And then I hibernate.

A friend just called and said he was really drunk and felt like he was going to throw up. I wanted to help but he's about 2,900 miles away.


I just wanted to say a big huge gigantic thanks for making last night's So-Long Mile High SpeakEasily the best Nouveau-Vaudeville happening it could be. The spirit of SpeakEasily was certainly alive.
AND what can I say about the awesome presents from the Meter Dancers? I was touched...in a way I'd rather not be touched. Haw haw haw. But does anyone know who put cake icing all over the pair of merkin-esque underwear?
I'm still recovering from last night, but Brett and I were able to get his disposable camera processed today and below are a few good ones (note Brett's thumb in a couple). More to come real soon!
ALSO...check out the low-tech SpeakEasily website.

Happy Birthday to Lisa and Ali and everyone else who got on stage! One guy showed me his drivers license to prove that it was his birthday.

The volunteer Kazoo Orchestra.

Bombshell Betty and Kingfish.

Tippy Canoe and Sailor Billy.

Rose Pistola and Sailor Billy...or is it Sailor Billy and Rose Pistola?

Odessa Lil and Jack Salteen...or is it just Audra and Brett?